The Zombie Theory

Have you ever noticed that when you become depressed for a long amount of time your whole personality changes. I don't just mean the obvious you go from being happy to sad, I mean everything. The old you slowly disappears and what's left is this soulless corpse. You basically become a zombie.

You're not yourself anymore, you can't function properly, you go around trying to steel or destroy other people's hearts and brains because you can't find yours anymore. You're brain becomes so dysfunctional that you can't even form words anymore and all that comes out are meaningless moans. You stop enjoying the sunlight so you're skin becomes pale and and the stress you've given yourself draws premature wrinkles on your face. The lack of sleep gives you dark circles under your eyes as they stare off into space looking cold and dead.

Some people will try to save you, but you push them away. You'll spread your disease onto a few others who will also become zombies. A few will try to hurt you even more and some will succeed. Some lose all hope, saying there is no cure.

There's always a cure. It just takes time to work properly.

Don't become a zombie. It might feel easy to give in and become a walking corpse. Zombies have felt death. Something killed them, stole their hearts and brains, but they're still alive. They're moving and breathing, but they have no motivation or hope. Yet, they're alive. Just because something kills you on the inside doesn't mean you should walk around like you're dead. Life is still going on for you and you need to take advantage of that. Find a cure for you're sadness and become a human again.

Zombies look pretty cool in the movies, but being one just isn't worth it. Why do you think those people fight for their lives and try not the catch the disease?

Exactly.

I Guess this is Growing Up

You know how sometimes it feels like you're just waiting and waiting for something amazing? There could be  nothing wrong with your life, you just feel like it's become mundane and you're waiting for something or someone to come along to make it more exciting. 

I think that sometimes the waiting better prepares you for what's up ahead. It's like all of the events you've encountered were merely stepping stones to give you a hand along the way. They help you to figure out exactly who you are and what it is that you truly want. They help you fix flaws that you knew needed to be handled. They help you learn along the way and become wiser. 

For me, one of my biggest stepping stones is college. I was a terrible high school student. I didn't care about my grades or really anything. I just assumed I wasn't good enough for anything. It was extremely stupid of me. Then I found out I had to attend a community college for two years before I could transfer to a university because of the cost. I was so angry because it just made me look like I wasn't smart enough to attend a university straight away which caused me to care about school even less. I briefly thought about dropping out of college because I didn't think I could do it, not to mention that I had no idea what I wanted to be or what I wanted to do with my life. 

I'm not really sure what changed me. It seemed to happen over night. I just woke up one day and realized that I wanted to stay in college. I wanted to earn a degree and I wanted to create a nice future for myself. That next semester I started applying myself. I stopped being lazy and realized that I was actually pretty smart. Now my grades are great, I'm doing really well for myself, and I'm enjoying it. Now I feel more prepared for a university. If I hadn't attended my community college I probably would have felt lost and I'm not sure if I would have applied myself. In a way, I think it saved my future. 

Another major thing I feel that I'm getting prepared for is, in the simplest way, love. I know that sounds cheesy, but hear me out. First of all, I don't believe a person needs a significant other to make them happy. Society focuses entirely too much on the fact that everyone should be in a relationship which is wrong, but I think it'd be nice to have that type of connection with someone if they're right for you. 

I've  never had a boyfriend. I used to pity myself for it, but now I feel indifferent about it. I'm thankful for it, because after years of talking to guys and crushing, I feel like I'm starting to know exactly what I want in a guy. I also know more about who I am. I know not to change myself completely in order to fit what a cute guy describes as his "perfect" girl. I know what I find attractive and unattractive. I know the type of guy I want to spend time with. I feel like I'm more prepared and mature to handle a relationship even though in so me ways I still act like a stupid, young teenager, but I like that. You can't be serious all the time. I could explain my perfect guy in detail to the last dot, but honestly I just want a good guy who's adventurous, makes me laugh, and treats me well. I believe that every guy who's ever had some part in my life has prepared me for that moment when I meet the right guy and in a way I thank them. 

There's probably been more situations in life that have prepared me for certain moments and that will probably continue all throughout my life. I believe every single event is there for a reason, whether it's to teach you a lesson, help you out, make you more appreciative, or to simply make you smile. There's a reason for everything even if it doesn't seem so clear at the time. 

Better Days

I think I’ve finally figured out why I’ve been so sad lately. It’s because I’m simply not where I want to be right now. I’d much rather be living in a state where it’s warm all year round and you can drive down to the beach on the weekends. I want to live somewhere with palm trees and over all better scenery. I know I still have to wait a while before I can leave my hometown and I think the waiting is what’s making me so depressed. I just don’t want to wait anymore. I feel like I’ve been waiting forever and I worry that I’ll miss my chance somehow, like something awful will happen before I can escape.
      This is an example of over thinking and being pessimistic. I believe in keeping a positive attitude because that makes life worth living which I strive to do. I know that I’ll be able to go soon it’s just the waiting. Then I remind myself that everything happens for a reason and that maybe I’m meant to leave when the timing is just right. I also know that I’m actually working towards leaving so it’s not like I’m just wishing but never putting my words into action. I know I’ll be able to go in a few more years when it’s time for Grad school. I guess I just need to hold on a little longer and in the Fall I’ll be out of this town at least.
To anyone out there who feels like they’re in the same place, things are always looking up. Tomorrow is always a new day and as long as you try to achieve your goals you’re going to get somewhere. Sometimes it seems like it takes an eternity but it’ll get there! Besides, the journey is sometimes more important than the destination and once you reach that destination you create a whole new journey.
    This is a reminder to myself and anyone else who needs to hear this. Never give up. :) Good things will happen, just stay strong, positive, and don’t quit when things feel out of reach. Better days are just around the corner, so go chase them and enjoy the ride along the way. :)