Home for the Holidays

I've recently completed my fifth semester of college, only this one was different than my last four. I transferred and have been living in a dorm so coming "Coming Home for the Holidays" has never seemed so true.


The past three weeks have been non-stop with projects and exams to the point where it feels nice to breathe again. During that time you begin to wonder why you're there in the first place and what you expect to achieve the second you leave those halls. For me, I've always had the same dream, but I never bothered to act on it.

I knew that I wanted to travel the world, write, teach a little and do photography on the side. For some reason I've always been afraid to actually try for this dream. I continued picking majors and career options that felt like the easy thing to do. Ideas that wouldn't be too hard to achieve or would supply me with a large paycheck so I would look successful to everyone who thought I was never good enough. I was picking careers to impress people I didn't care about rather than picking one that would impress me.

I'm beginning to wonder what life would be if I did all of the things I said I wanted to do and would do. I've never wanted the whole "pick a good career and have a family" kind of life. I want an adventure.

Being at home has helped remind me of where I want to be. Being in my own room and writing brings back my memories of writing over the summer and past semesters about all of the places I wanted to go and all of the things I wanted to do. For once I feel like I'm in the right major, which is English. I want to get my masters so I can be a proffssor if I choose, but I'd also like to be a publisher or editor.

My dream, though, is to be a professional author. I want to travel with the job too and gain inspiration from different cities and countries. I also want to get back into my photography and get my own little business going with that. Nothing too fancy, but something fun and affordable.

To be honest, I haven't been in the best mood for the last month. I never could quite pinpoint the reason, but now that I've had time to clear my head I realize that it's because I'm still not where I want to be. I see all of these people following their dreams and leading exciting lives and I've done, well, nothing. 

Lately, I've felt scared of everything. I've had fears about my future in regards to my career, where I'll live, if I'll meet a guy, if I'll fail at my dreams or if I'll be happy. The truth is, you can't let that fear stop you from doing what you want to do. In the meantime I'll get my English degree, continue writing, doing photography, finding ways to start my traveling, achieving my goals and happiness and finding my place in this world.

If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.