March On

I guess I always saw life differently than everyone else. I wanted to see it differently than everyone else. I guess I wanted live in a happy, perfect world with unicorns, rainbows and fluffly clouds. I always wanted to have a good, happy life with no worries and no pain.

Now I see that’s entirely impossible. Life isn’t a happy unicorn filled world. When good things happen other things come along and turn everything into a nightmare that you can’t wake up from. Sure you can keep going or you could just ignore but it always haunts you until you’re sick to your stomach.

I wish I could tell you why things like that must happen. I wish I knew myself but maybe we’re not supposed to know. I like to look on the brightside of things, I like to find ways to make everything okay so I can avoid conflict and keep living in my happy little utopia in the sky but that’s not going to happen. Sometimes life just sucks and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Instead of running you have to march. Yeah it’s hard and not all that much fun but you have to keep marching and marching and over time you get stronger. I wish you didn’t have too though. I wish you could just run and play and be happy but you can’t sometimes. I guess it’s all part of growing up. Those happy days of no worries are behind us now but even as I’m writing this in a pessimistic mood I realize that not everything has to suck. If you keep marching you’re bound to run into something good along the way and it makes you the person you’re supposed to be.

Maybe life isn’t perfect, maybe it’s not supposed to be, but you have to keep moving or it isn’t worth it.

Appreciating Life

I've noticed lately just being out and looking at Facebook statuses, that most people want or feel like they need more and bigger things to make their lives better. They could have a lot already, good friends, cute boyfriend, good grades, but they'll still complain and say things like "I wish I had a convertible" or "I wish I could go do this and be here."

I won't lie, I wish I could go travel and see London, Ireland, Hawaii, even just New York. They're things I'd love to do at some point but if I don't do them I won't die. I'll be a little dissapointed but I feel that when I'm lying on my death bed the things I'll think the most about will be my friends, family, past loves, pets, and a bunch of little memories that make me smile.

It's just that most people don't see these things as enough. They could have great people in their life but instead of feeling thankful and blessed they keep complaining that either their life sucks or that they want more. I've been known to this myself, a lot actually. Only now I'm starting to realize that maybe I should stop complaining. Of course that's impossible since no one can stay completely happy for a long amount of time but you can be content for a while. I'm just beginning to see that I should be thankful that I have good friends, family, and I like my school.

I used to think about all of the bad times when I would lie in bed trying to fall asleep. I don't know why I did this, I guess I just liked making myself miserable sometimes. Now I see that this is really unhealthy. That's why I think about the good things before I go to bed. Every time I get a bad memory I just replace it with something funny or a good one. I'll think about the time I ran around 6 Flags with my best friend singing "Who Let the Dogs Out", watching Troll 2 with my brother and laughing at how stupid it was, or the time at camp when my friend and I got locked out of our cabin and were trying to find someone who could pick locks. It's stuff that just makes me laugh or puts me in a good mood and I feel really thankful for the people in my life right now. My friends are awesome and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I wish more people would do that. To be honest life is much easier to get through that way and all of these little things honestly make life worth it to me. Just yesterday when I was hanging out with a friend we were standing outside and petting her horses and I thought, "you know I might live in a stupid little town and IL might not be the prettiest state but at least I have some amazing friends around to make it suck a little less." I guess when I'm older and I have my job, living somewhere else, maybe married, I'll look back at this place and I won't think of how much I hated this town but of the good memories I've had here with my friends.

Sure not everyday is great and it's easy to slip into pessimistic thoughts when things don't go the way you want them too but sometimes they go wrong so a better thing will come instead. At least that's how it's been with me. So instead of spending your entire life complaining and waiting for better things you might as well just be happy with what's going on now. You could be missing out on great memories if you never stop to look around and appreciate what you really have. You find out how lucky you really are and I'm starting to feel pretty lucky.

Lessons in Romantics (From Classic Disney)

When I was little I remember watching all of the old classic Disney movies. To this day I still love them even though I'm a college student now. When I think back on these stories or watch them again I see them in a different light. I begin to actually see the stories being told rather than just fun cartoons doing interesting things to my five year-old mind. Every Disney movie has the same basic plot: Love. Every character has a different approach to romance and these are some lessons we could take from them. For example...

The Little Mermaid. Ariel takes a common tactic for trying to gain her happy ending. It's the whole changing yourself in order for a guy to like you. This is one of the few that has me shaking my head. Although I loved that movie (and still do), it's not always a good idea to completely change who you are in order to grab a guy's attention. Eric still loves her when he finds out her secret which shows that you can be loved for simply being yourself.However, if you lie about who you are in the first place then your crush might not like the real you since he fell for the fake you. This is one Disney Princess I wouldn't take notes on for getting a boyfriend.

Sleeping Beauty. I personally like the Sleeping Beauty take on romance. Falling into a deep sleep only to be awoken by a handsome prince. Not a bad way to start the morning. Although the real lesson in romantics in this movie is taught by Prince Phillip. He goes through the long journey just to reach this girl he loves and slays a dragon for her. It shows that love is not always easy and sometimes you have to go through trials in order to prove your yourself and fight for the one you love.

Beauty and the Beast. This is one of my personal favorites. There's so much to love about this movie but what I'm going to take from here is Belle's approach to romance. She looks beyond appearances and into the heart which is almost unheard of today. She doesn't care what other people think and she only does what she knows is right. She doesn't go with the "handsome" yet rude Gaston who tirelessly chases her only for her beauty. She goes with the man who has the kind heart and truly loves her. She sees past his beastlyness and he becomes a handsome prince. I think this could be seen metaphorically. When you meet an average looking guy with an amazing personality he slowly becomes more attractive until he looks like a handsome prince to you.

The Lion King. This is another one of my personal favorites. This one deals with much more than love and romantic love is more of a subplot to this movie yet still important to the story. The character I want to follow here is Nala. She thought Simba was dead for years as she grew up and her feelings for him never faded. It doesn't take long for her to fall in love with him once they have their little reunion.  He doesn't want to go home because Scar messed with his mind but she believes in him, knows he's the true King and urges him to go back and fulfill his destiny. (Although she does it in a pushy way and it takes Raffiki and the ghost of Mufasa to convince him before he actually goes back.) Still, she never gave up on him and helps him in the fight. She teaches us that we also need to believe in the one we love and support them. It's not always all about you. On a side note, a nice romantic walk by a waterfall with a love song playing magically in the background makes quite a nice first date.

 Alladin. Obviously we're taking a few notes from Alladin here. Of course he had the same idea as Ariel: Changing yourself in order to impress your crush. Only I'm not going to talk about that right now. Instead I'm going to talk about what all he did just for Jasmine. I always found the magic carpet ride sweet and incredibly romantic. He does his best to win her heart and goes through so much. The only thing that would have made this better was if he stayed more true to himself and didn't lie about being a prince. Jasmine liked him just the way he was when she found out he was nothing more than a thief. What I like about this approach is that it shows guys to treat girls like, well, princesses. Try to be that Prince Charming for her. Every girl wants her prince and Alladin tried to be that for Jasmine which is extremely sweet.

 Snow White. I never was a huge fan of this one but I do have this to say; she never lost hope. She got stranded in a forest with seven dwarfs and had an evil witch trying to murder her but she still sang along and knew that someday her prince would come. When it seemed all hope was lost and she was in her darkest place dying from the world's cruelness (eating the poison apple) her prince came to the rescue when no one was expecting it. Love comes when you don't expect it but it also comes if you keep your head up. Even though life can give you poison apples and evil witches, it doesn't mean it can't give you sweet princes. You just have to keep your chin up and in the meantime be thankful for the friends in your life and other good things you've been given.

All in all I would say most of these characters know how to treat romance. They may just be silly movies from our childhood but there's some magic in them. Maybe we should all take a little lesson from them.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

I'm sure that everyone reading this has wanted to be perfect at some point in their lives. Who doesn't? The media gives us this idea that in order to have a good life and to be happy you need to constantly change yourself to become this image of "perfect." For women, it's weighing close to nothing, blonde (or just exotic looking), perfect hair, smooth face, and basically looking like all the female celebrities that are given the chance to grace the covers of your favorite magazines.

I'm not saying that wanting to look nice is bad because it's not. You should want to take care of your body to be healthy and also looking nice makes you feel better. My point here is that some people take this idea of perfection too far by getting plastic surgery or self harming themselves. There are certain features about ourselves that are easy to change but there are other parts that aren't changeable. If you don't feel like you look good blonde then you can dye your hair and become a brunette or a red head. If you don't like your body then you can exercise or eat better. However, there are features like your face and eyes that aren't so easy to alter. Your face will always be your face no matter what unless you're rich enough to completely alter it, which most people aren't. It seems almost cruel that when you're born you'll either have a pretty face, an ugly face, or an average face without your consent. At first it's okay, because you haven't realized yet that certain faces are seen as beautiful while others, not so much. When you do figure out what you were given that's when the problems start. If you have a pretty face then congratulations, honestly. For the rest of us well this is where we try to either fix the problem with low results, not care and be happy, or punish yourself for it.

The problem with the media's idea of beauty is that everyone has a different idea of what beauty is. To your best friend this guy might be the hottest thing she's ever seen, but to you he might be nothing special. So is he attractive or not? That's the thing, he's both. Some people blindly follow magazines and TV and take their idea of beauty instead of forming their own. To the people who created the magazines, that was their idea of beauty. Think of Robert Pattinson. Many girls find him attractive and the people who hired him obviously thought so too since Edward was described as hot in the book. Personally, I don't find him attractive at all, but that's because he doesn't fit into my idea of attractiveness.

The problem is that most people don't understand that (or at least, it seems that way.) They believe that if they don't fit the idea of beauty that is given out then they're ugly. Or if they don't fit the idea of beauty to a crush then they think they're ugly, which isn't true. To be honest, I don't think anyone is "ugly" because they have to fit someone's idea of attractiveness. They might not fit a majority or might only fit one person but that's still someone who finds them attractive. Which means that the whole idea of perfection given out to us doesn't mean anything because it's their idea and not yours.

Which is why I believe everyone is somewhat attractive in their own way. Of course I have my own idea of what I find attractive in a guy but that varies from my friend's ideas. Which honestly, I think is awesome. It truly proves that there is someone out there everyone, which I find amazing.

Sing Me to Sleep, I'll See You in My Dreams

Often I wake up in the morning with the vague playback of my dream for that night. Usually my dreams are pretty interesting and by interesting I mean odd and by odd I mean plain out weird. Since they amuse me so much I started writing the ones I remembered clearly down on a word document.

While I was writing my latest one down today I started to think back to the other ones so I started to read what I had written. There weren't many down since I just started doing this a month ago but they all made no sense. Usually when people dream it has some meaning or it's of a past memory or it's the same dream always repeating itself. I'll give you one example of my dreams.

This is a dream I had a few weeks ago. I was in the auditorium of my old high school watching "How I Met Your Mother" with the cast, excluding Neil Patrick Harris. I didn't seem to notice much until the door opened and he walked in. Being the huge Dr. Horrible (and How I Met Your Mother) fan that I am, I jumped out of my seat and basically ran at him. He just smiled and looked around the room as he began chatting with Jason Segel. I nervously asked if he could sign my shirt. He gladly said yes but realized that he didn't have a sharpie. I noticed that I didn't have one either so I frantically began to think of what to do about this sharpie disaster. Jason left the room and we walked up to this little table that was by the the door. On the table was a coffee pot, a note pad, and a pen. Neil Patrick Harris picked up the coffee pot with a grin and said cheerfully, "Hey, I have an idea! If we mix something with this coffee then we can use it to sign your shirt." Now thinking back I don't know why he didn't use the pen or why I thought his coffee idea was fantastic. Before he could pursue this idea Jason Segel ran back into the room holding a sharpie high above his head as if it was a mighty sword. He said happily, "I found a sharpie! They had a ton in the office over there." We preceded to look behind him at the school office. We laughed at this whole episode and NPH gladly signed my shirt. Then I woke up with a slight disappointment and a plain shirt with no evidence of a sharpie ever being there.

That's the type of weirdness most my dreams have only this one is one of the less weird ones. I also tend to dream about this mall school a lot. It looks like a mall but the stores are classrooms from my old high school. I've dreamed about this mall school for years and it manages to pop up in every single dream I have. I'm not even exaggerating that point. The layout always changes but in the dream I know it's the same mall school. Sometimes there's added stores. There's been a church in the middle of it, a buffet called "Peas Around the World" that only sold peas from around the world and nothing else, a video game store where the characters came to life and I had to kill them, Charlie McDonnell's (from youtube) house, and so on. I also dream about this summer camp a lot. It seems that if I'm not in the mall school or it doesn't show up at some point then I'm at the summer camp.

Sometimes I'm not even me. I have dreams where I'm this other girl and usually those dreams involve action. For example, once I was this British girl from the 18th century and I had to fight Voldemort with the help of Doctor Who and another random person. I've only had these "alter ego" dreams a few times. The only other one I can remember clearly, I had to fight my friend who turned into a monster from Final Fantasy.

Usually when I tell friends or family about my dreams I'm give a strange look or a nod that says "That's funny, but you're a weird one. I want pie..."

I've actually had a dream that was more like watching a movie and I wasn't even in it. I've also had a dream about the Simpsons doing a Twilight spoof and this was before that Halloween special with Edward.

I guess all I'm trying to say here is that my dreams are definitely entertaining, (at least to me). Well I'll leave you with a lyric from one of my favorite bands: All Time Low.

Through the Eyes of a Hopless Romantic

I won't lie, I'm a hopeless romantic. I love the idea of a guy walking up to a girl's front steps with a bouquet of red roses and an adorable smile on his face that shows he has butterflies in his stomach but he's trying hard not to show it. I watch TV shows where boy meets girl, they fall for each other, boy does something extremely cute for girl and cue the love song as the hold hands and walk down the sidewalk together.

Anyone who knows me is aware that I have strong dislike of romantic comedies. I can't watch them just because the people look too fake on screen. The actors and the lines used are so cheesy that they end up looking ridiculous. The scenarios are a little insane and over all it's just not real. What I want is a movie that shows the realness of falling in love. No stupid scene where the girl is running to the airport or she throws a coin in a well and meets her prince charming. It's because of this that I absolutely love the movie "500 Days of Summer" because it's real! I know it's not a love story as stated at the beginning because when you picture a love story the boy and girl end up together. Although it is a love story because Tom (the lead guy) does fall madly in love with Summer. In the end she doesn't love him back, gives hints of this through out the whole movie and even ends up with another guy. Only, that's real. That kind of stuff happens in life everyday to so many people. Despite what you might think, the ending isn't all that sad. Tom finds another girl who he seems to have way more in common with and the ending leaves off to let you decide what might be in store for the new couple. I like to think that even though he felt so much pain with Summer and had bad luck that his pain and heartache led him to the new girl who might be perfect for him. Think about it, in the movie after Summer breaks things off  with Tom, he's heart broken. However, soon after he starts focusing his time on being the architect that he's always wanted to be, quits the job he hates, and goes in for an interview for an architect job he wants which is where he meets this new girl Autumn. Basically if Summer hadn't broken his heart then he would have never met Autumn. It sounds weird but to me that's a real love story.

Everyone will get their heart broken at some point in time even if you're never a couple, but sometimes that leads you to someone better. There's two types of people in the world. People who are hopeless romantics still waiting for their Prince Charming or have found him and people who simply don't believe in love. Personally speaking I think life is easier when you don't believe because then you can never truly get hurt, but I think life is more worth living when you do. Obviously you don't need someone to complete you and some people are perfectly content being on their own. Most of us want that prince or princess and some do find and get that rare happy ending that we all crave. I believe in sticking to your standards because love has no meaning if you get together with someone you aren't truly happy with just because you don't want to be alone. I say wait until someone comes along that is perfect for you. It might not be the easiest thing to wait but good things don't come easy. Wait, scratch that. Amazing things don't come easy. When you wait and find that perfect someone then everything you have together will be worthwhile.

Me? I'm still waiting for my knight in shining armor. I know that when he comes he comes and until then I'll just focus on other aspects of life but I don't think that little girl inside dreaming about her prince will ever leave us. Some people choose to grow bitter about love as they get older. Me, I choose to stay optimistic and romantic as I grow older. What's life without dreams? Besides you'll never find anyone with a harsh out look on life. You know what they say, "someday my prince will come," and I, for one, believe.

If Autumn Lasted Forever

I know it's still summer but with school starting it's easy to feel fall approaching. I begin to dream of it's cooler but comfortable days perfect for a light sweater or jacket that you can cuddle up in as you walk across paths covered in gorgeous leaves of reds and golds. I can hear them crunching under my feet with every step as I look up and watch the others blissfully blow in the autumn breeze. The trees are slowly loosing their gorgeous hair but they look beautiful in the transition. It's not hard to forget the warmth of summer but the autumn air seems to have a perfect combination of hot and cold. Unlike winter the winds don't numb you to the bone as you shake from head to foot awaiting the moment you'll be able to stroll into a cozy building. Unlike summer the sun isn't beating down on you until you turn to rain and drip into a puddle. It's such a beautiful and perfect season but it's life span is short. It comes and goes quickly never to show it's lovely face again until next year.

Maybe this is why I love it so much. It's a rare treat between the two most powerful seasons. I don't complain much in summer since my body seems to get chilled rather easily, but a soft fall breeze after long hot days is never a burden to me. I wish there was a place you could move to where it was fall all year round. If that wonderful place did exist I'd pack my bags tonight and run there if I had to. It seems you can only live in the between for that short period of time. That perfect place with the beauty of summer but the coziness of winter. What could be more dreamy? I guess it'll have to stay in my dreams which is probably the best place. Too much of a good thing never ends well and I'd like to keep dreaming. I would never want something as extraordinary as autumn to become dull to me. I'll be awaiting it's arrival with open arms and a smile on my face and I'll miss it as it goes when winter replaces it's spot and numbs my bones. The wait of a year will be well worth that first day when it comes gliding back into my life. I'll be right here ready to dance in the falling leaves as if they were snowflakes.