Here's to the Past

I've seen a lot of friends come and go for various reasons. I guess when most people look at the past they feel sad about the people they've lost. They see the past as this beautiful thing that can never be replayed. Those were the glory days and everything will be downhill from here on out. Nothing in the future will be as good as the past.

To that I say, you're an idiot.

I'm sorry but the past is not as perfect as you make it. Sure you'll always have good memories, that's fine to reminisce every now and then but don't make that who you are. Life doesn't stop and you have to keep moving with it. For me, I see old friends I never talk to anymore as a chapter of my life that's simply ended. Now it's time to make new chapters and you'll continue the cycle, but it's really not that bad. Personally I like to live in the present. I like to just enjoy the friends I have now and make new memories. I like to keep moving forward because there's always something better just around the corner. At least, it's been that way for me. When one thing ends a better thing usually comes along.

If you spend all your time thinking about memories, you'll miss what's in front of you now. Sure the past seems like a pretty, safe place but it's not all it's made up to be. It's over but the rest of your life isn't. So live in the now and look forward to the future. Life moves fast so keep up with it and enjoy it. It's what you make it.

Like I said, life doesn't stop and neither should you.

Music = Life

You know I've always wanted to be a singer. Ever since I was a little girl. I've always loved the stage. I'm at home up there, the longer I'm standing in front of the crowd the better. That's my moment to shine and I love it.

I've only acted in front of people, never sang. I know I'm not very gifted in that area so I've always shied away from it. I guess too if you're acting you're not yourself. You're someone else, you're hiding behind this mask so no one can really judge you. You're getting this chance to pretend you're someone else and sharing their story. It's fun. I love it.

With singing, there's no more mask. Instead of telling someone else's story, you're telling your own. You're standing up there exposing yourself and letting out every ounce of your emotions and heart to these people standing in the crowd. Music moves me. It's there for me when I have no one else. It's helped me tremendously. I swear, I don't know where I'd be without it. I used to be afraid to share my story in front of people. I didn't want them to know what my heart was singing, but now I'm not so afraid.

I want to share my story. I want people to hear my songs and be able to relate to them. I want my lyrics to reach someone and help them like so many bands have done for me. I can't live without music. It's my passion, it's the one thing I love more than anything. It's the one thing that's never let me down. It's never failed to bring me happiness. It's always let me shed my tears without judgement or comments. It's something I'll always love. I know God didn't gift me with a beautiful singing voice. I know I'm no good but sometimes I still want to live that dream. I want to be a singer. I want to share my music.

I know it sounds stupid. I don't care. I don't want to be famous. Just famous enough where I can have a comfortable living, people buying my songs, and being able to do concerts. I don't want the big mansion or anything in Beverly Hills. I just want to share my music for a living. I wish so badly I could sing. If I could have one wish, that'd be it.

The Chase

I haven't been thinking too much about love and relationships lately, but this has been on my mind on and off for the past week. The whole "chase" that happens when you get a crush on someone. I don't know everyone's situation so I'm going to open up slightly and talk from my own experience.

I know that whenever I'd get a crush on a boy I'd start to fall into this chase. The guy would do absolutely nothing but stand there looking cute and acting cool and I'd be here, this stupid teenage girl, trying so hard to get his attention and then try to win him over. In the end, it never worked because the guy never bothered to chase back. I might watch too much TV but I've noticed that the chasing that goes on there is always the guy doing sweet things to impress a girl and it always works. What bugs me is that they never show a chase from the girl's perspective because it can be just as time consuming for us too if the guy doesn't notice or care. The other day in my biology class we were talking about mating rituals between animals and my teacher was telling us about these birds where basically the males line up and the female simply chooses one of them. Of course, each male is like going crazy and doing a bunch of "look at me! look at me!" type of things. It just made me laugh that an animal's natural instinct is to chase and woo the one they like. What made me laugh even more was a guy's comment to this ritual. He first asked the teacher if these would end up being related to humans and she said "yes." Then he said, "so it's like real life where we guys have to wait and be chosen by all the girls." How terribly wrong he is, because girls have to chase as well and hope the guy we've fallen for will choose us.

Either way there always seems to be this one sided chase where the person who's fallen is trying to make the other fall as well but either their time and effort will be rewarded or they'll just end up getting their heart broken. So if chasing is almost like a natural instinct, then is it ever worth it? Should we just keep doing it because one day it'll pay off and we can be happy with that person or is it just a waste of time that should be avoided all together?

I actually like the idea of a chase. It gives the person a chance to show how much they care for the other person and to show how important they are to them. Although, I don't think it's worth it unless both sides are chasing after each other. If you're going after someone who just does not see you that way, then maybe you should rethink it. I think everyone deserves someone who's willing to go through a lot for them. If someone does not give you the time of day then find someone else because more than likely if you do win that person over eventually, it probably won't work out because their heart was never in it from the beginning and you probably just exhausted them to the point where they gave in. The same works for the other way around. If someone keeps chasing after you and you just can't return their feelings then don't date them just because you find it flattering. If you don't feel the same way then that means it's not meant to be and you shouldn't lead that person on.


I'm a terrible chaser, because I get so incredibly shy around guys I have feelings for and I don't want to embarrass myself. Although, when I say chase in this blog I don't mean just trying to get the person to notice you but rather trying to impress them. If you're impressing them, then I don't think the chase ever ends because if you really love that person then you'll always want to impress them even if you're old and married. It's not because you want to win their heart, it's because you want to show them you care. In that case I would keep chasing, and I'd hope they'd be chasing after me too even if they've already won my heart.