Here's to the Past

I've seen a lot of friends come and go for various reasons. I guess when most people look at the past they feel sad about the people they've lost. They see the past as this beautiful thing that can never be replayed. Those were the glory days and everything will be downhill from here on out. Nothing in the future will be as good as the past.

To that I say, you're an idiot.

I'm sorry but the past is not as perfect as you make it. Sure you'll always have good memories, that's fine to reminisce every now and then but don't make that who you are. Life doesn't stop and you have to keep moving with it. For me, I see old friends I never talk to anymore as a chapter of my life that's simply ended. Now it's time to make new chapters and you'll continue the cycle, but it's really not that bad. Personally I like to live in the present. I like to just enjoy the friends I have now and make new memories. I like to keep moving forward because there's always something better just around the corner. At least, it's been that way for me. When one thing ends a better thing usually comes along.

If you spend all your time thinking about memories, you'll miss what's in front of you now. Sure the past seems like a pretty, safe place but it's not all it's made up to be. It's over but the rest of your life isn't. So live in the now and look forward to the future. Life moves fast so keep up with it and enjoy it. It's what you make it.

Like I said, life doesn't stop and neither should you.

Music = Life

You know I've always wanted to be a singer. Ever since I was a little girl. I've always loved the stage. I'm at home up there, the longer I'm standing in front of the crowd the better. That's my moment to shine and I love it.

I've only acted in front of people, never sang. I know I'm not very gifted in that area so I've always shied away from it. I guess too if you're acting you're not yourself. You're someone else, you're hiding behind this mask so no one can really judge you. You're getting this chance to pretend you're someone else and sharing their story. It's fun. I love it.

With singing, there's no more mask. Instead of telling someone else's story, you're telling your own. You're standing up there exposing yourself and letting out every ounce of your emotions and heart to these people standing in the crowd. Music moves me. It's there for me when I have no one else. It's helped me tremendously. I swear, I don't know where I'd be without it. I used to be afraid to share my story in front of people. I didn't want them to know what my heart was singing, but now I'm not so afraid.

I want to share my story. I want people to hear my songs and be able to relate to them. I want my lyrics to reach someone and help them like so many bands have done for me. I can't live without music. It's my passion, it's the one thing I love more than anything. It's the one thing that's never let me down. It's never failed to bring me happiness. It's always let me shed my tears without judgement or comments. It's something I'll always love. I know God didn't gift me with a beautiful singing voice. I know I'm no good but sometimes I still want to live that dream. I want to be a singer. I want to share my music.

I know it sounds stupid. I don't care. I don't want to be famous. Just famous enough where I can have a comfortable living, people buying my songs, and being able to do concerts. I don't want the big mansion or anything in Beverly Hills. I just want to share my music for a living. I wish so badly I could sing. If I could have one wish, that'd be it.

The Chase

I haven't been thinking too much about love and relationships lately, but this has been on my mind on and off for the past week. The whole "chase" that happens when you get a crush on someone. I don't know everyone's situation so I'm going to open up slightly and talk from my own experience.

I know that whenever I'd get a crush on a boy I'd start to fall into this chase. The guy would do absolutely nothing but stand there looking cute and acting cool and I'd be here, this stupid teenage girl, trying so hard to get his attention and then try to win him over. In the end, it never worked because the guy never bothered to chase back. I might watch too much TV but I've noticed that the chasing that goes on there is always the guy doing sweet things to impress a girl and it always works. What bugs me is that they never show a chase from the girl's perspective because it can be just as time consuming for us too if the guy doesn't notice or care. The other day in my biology class we were talking about mating rituals between animals and my teacher was telling us about these birds where basically the males line up and the female simply chooses one of them. Of course, each male is like going crazy and doing a bunch of "look at me! look at me!" type of things. It just made me laugh that an animal's natural instinct is to chase and woo the one they like. What made me laugh even more was a guy's comment to this ritual. He first asked the teacher if these would end up being related to humans and she said "yes." Then he said, "so it's like real life where we guys have to wait and be chosen by all the girls." How terribly wrong he is, because girls have to chase as well and hope the guy we've fallen for will choose us.

Either way there always seems to be this one sided chase where the person who's fallen is trying to make the other fall as well but either their time and effort will be rewarded or they'll just end up getting their heart broken. So if chasing is almost like a natural instinct, then is it ever worth it? Should we just keep doing it because one day it'll pay off and we can be happy with that person or is it just a waste of time that should be avoided all together?

I actually like the idea of a chase. It gives the person a chance to show how much they care for the other person and to show how important they are to them. Although, I don't think it's worth it unless both sides are chasing after each other. If you're going after someone who just does not see you that way, then maybe you should rethink it. I think everyone deserves someone who's willing to go through a lot for them. If someone does not give you the time of day then find someone else because more than likely if you do win that person over eventually, it probably won't work out because their heart was never in it from the beginning and you probably just exhausted them to the point where they gave in. The same works for the other way around. If someone keeps chasing after you and you just can't return their feelings then don't date them just because you find it flattering. If you don't feel the same way then that means it's not meant to be and you shouldn't lead that person on.


I'm a terrible chaser, because I get so incredibly shy around guys I have feelings for and I don't want to embarrass myself. Although, when I say chase in this blog I don't mean just trying to get the person to notice you but rather trying to impress them. If you're impressing them, then I don't think the chase ever ends because if you really love that person then you'll always want to impress them even if you're old and married. It's not because you want to win their heart, it's because you want to show them you care. In that case I would keep chasing, and I'd hope they'd be chasing after me too even if they've already won my heart.

Why I Write

As some of you have noticed, I write a lot. It's mostly just a hobby, but it's also something I love. I'm more of a story writer to be honest. I love my blogs but my heart truly rests with characters and plots I've created with words. I remember when I first started to write stories purely for fun. I used to write short, poorly written, stories when I was a little kid. Usually those were about superheroes, princesses, and mermaids. Also there was a one about Digimon. When I was twelve/thirteen, I started getting more serious about it. While most kids were getting into sports or whatever drew their attention for recreation, I had a notebook open and was jotting down story ideas and character backgrounds. I wanted to write a novel and I started to write several but none of them got very far. I was never able to keep my attention on them long enough to finish. I had the ending in my head but I couldn't figure out how to get the character to that point without the entire story seeming entirely dull. I kept on writing, of course, in hopes that I would write a beautiful novel that would blow people away and make me famous.

When I got into high school, Twilight came out and I became engrossed in these books. I fell in love with the story, the characters, this different take on vampires, the love triangles, everything about was extremely entertaining to my sixteen year-old mind. As embarrassing as it sounds, since many people my age aren't fans of Twilight, that book is what inspired me to write again. I had quit for a short time simply because I didn't know what to write about. Every story I came up with had no direction, the characters annoyed me, the plot was dull, there was nothing to keep it going and I lost interest writing them. I had turned my attention to poetry which I used to be pretty great at, although now I'm a little rusty. After reading Twilight I started to get more ideas for my stories. I began thinking of characters that I actually found interesting and hopefully others would too. The only stories I write deal with vampires, werewolves, zombies, or something odd like that. They're the only plots I can keep up with because they keep my attention going and I'm able to interweave love, horror, and action into them. When I saw how Stephanie Meyer took vampires and turned them into her own creation I wanted to do just that. I wanted to take something everyone knew and put my own spin on it. Of course I try to keep to the old tales of such monsters. I like to make them a little more on the horror side but also give them a sense of humanity.

Writing is something that allows me to breathe. By that I mean, it helps me relax when I'm stressed, it helps me escape for a while when life is bitter, and above all else, it makes me happy. That's why I got into blogging. It's a way for me to give my thoughts as well as something I enjoy doing. When I write them I like to either throw around huge, beautiful words just to make the blog look fancy or I like to write as if I'm talking to one of my friends.

I have two forms of escape and bliss: music and writing. Music is a big part of my life but if I went into that now this blog would be much too long. Both of them can cheer me up on horrible days and sometimes I need that. On days when I just don't want people around and wish to be alone I run to these two amazing things that help me to breathe again. Even when I'm in a great mood and life seems like a gorgeous dream I still run to them. They help emphasize life.

I hope I never stop writing. Even if the world tells me I have no talent and no one cares about what I have to say or the stories I want to tell, I'll keep writing. Sometimes I write for other people. Usually those are what I like to call my "inspirational blogs." Other times I just write for myself. Even those inspirational blogs are for myself sometimes, just as a reminder to keep my head up. Over all I don't know what I would do if I couldn't write. I'm thankful to have it in my life. It's something that can always bring a smile to my face.

Be nice to the shy ones, we're people too

I'm not the most outgoing person in the world. In fact I'm really shy around people I don't know. It's not because I hate people. It's not because I have a deathly fear towards them and it's not because I'm stuck up. I'm simply not an outgoing person so I keep to myself. The problem is that if you're shy people start to assume things about you.

I've been told by people that they thought I was emo, goth, stuck up, and a druggie before they actually knew me all because I didn't talk... No I'm not emo. Yes I recently got side bangs that cover one of my eyes if I let them but that's not because I'm emo, I just like the style. Yes I wear black sometimes and will paint my nails black because they match everything but I'm not goth. I'm not stuck up and I've never done drugs. Anyone who's spent at least ten minutes talking to me will find all of this out pretty quickly because that's not me. At first I'd take offense to this but then I began to realize that if you don't talk then no one can really see who you really are. They have nothing to go by except for a few physical things. I know this because I've done the exact same thing but I'm pretty nice on judging shy people because I am one. I just wish people didn't assume the worst when it comes to people who don't talk much.

There really is no explanation to why I'm shy. I just am. I didn't have any traumatic events in my childhood or anything else that could create my shyness. It's just one of those traits I naturally have. I'm not someone who can walk up to random people in my class and start a conversation. If they speak to me then that's awesome and I'll gladly talk back but I'm not one to make the first move. It's a pain, I won't lie. I wish I could be more outgoing like a lot of the people I see at college and just out and about but I can't. I can be talkative and out going when I'm around my friends, that's no problem but when it comes to people I don't know I just keep to myself. I've also been told I look mean since I don't talk but I don't have anything against these people. I just don't have anything interesting to say. Also, I do get slightly nervous around unfamiliar faces just because I don't know who they are, if they're nice, if they're cool, or if I'll bug them or not. If I have to talk to people I don't know then I will, it's not like I'll die but if I don't have to then I won't.

I just wish people would give us shy ones a break. I would love to be outgoing, I really would, but it's not me. I've had people bluntly tell me, "don't be shy." Well, it's not that easy. Of course it could be worse but the shyness I have is interwoven into my personality so it's a part of who I am. It's just not all of me and when I do get to know someone, it's hard to keep my mouth shut on some occasions. To be honest, I don't have a problem being shy. It can be bothersome at times but as I said, it's just a part of me. I am getting better but I know I'll never be one of those extremely outgoing people which is completely fine with me because I like to stay a little more reserved.

My main problem is that being shy seems to allow people to make up whatever they want about you and sometimes their "made up" you isn't all that great. Shy people can be pretty cool, they're not all secret drug dealers. Really it all goes back to judging a book by it's cover. I try extremely hard not to do this but it's difficult. That could go into another conversation completely which I'll save for another blog.

As for shy people, we're just shy. We're not mean, emo, stuck-up drug dealers. We can be pretty cool, we're just quiet at first.

Love, Life, and Happiness

I've noticed lately that a lot of people my age are getting engaged, married, and getting into serious relationships. It also seems to me that in order to be "happy" we need to find our other half right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for romance. I think it's sweet that all these people are finding their better halves but I hate how it seems that if you haven't found someone yet then there's something wrong with you or your life must be horrible.

I don't have a boyfriend or anyone close to one right now but I don't have the feeling that I need one. Sure it would be nice to have one and as a hopeless romantic I hope to find my Prince Charming one day but I have a lot on my mind these days. Not to sound like a nerd, but I like to focus a lot on school. I'm not one who can easily get A's. I have to work extremely hard for my grades but the sense of accomplishment is an amazing feeling. As of now, school is my priority right now because I want my career more than anything.

Most people, however, can't understand that and I can't say I don't blame them. When you visit relatives what's the first thing they ask you? "Have you found a boyfriend yet?" It's never, "How is school?" "What are you studying?" They'll get to that later, but first they're dying to know if you're any closer to getting married. I'm  not saying that everyone is like this, keep in mind that this is simply an example. My point is that finding someone seems to be the biggest and most important thing you can do and I don't agree with that. Yes, it is a big deal. Everyone wants to find someone. As human beings we crave the attention and affection of someone else but it shouldn't be the only thing that can make you truly happy. I can think of a lot of things that make me happy: music, traveling, getting A's on papers I thought I failed, being with friends, watching Batman, clothes, dogs, British accents, the beach, pink, sunshine, and the list goes on and on. Most people let not finding you're other half bring you down but I don't think it should. You will find someone but in the meantime don't let it ruin your life. Find your other passions and forms of happiness and enjoy life until that special someone magically arrives.

I think people need to look at other things in life. Love takes a while for some people to find and if it's not going to come for years then there's no need in beating yourself up over it just because it hasn't happened for you yet. There's so much more in life to focus on and find happiness in. For me, I just want to survive college so I can teach. That's my goal right now and I plan on sticking to it because I know it'll make me happy in the end. Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes. Don't base yours off what other people have. Make you're own happiness.

I'm still the same, not much has changed, I still know where I came from

Lately I've noticed my mind wandering back to the past. I get on Facebook and I see updates from old friends I don't even talk to anymore and I see how different they are. They aren't the same people I shared a class with or saw walking down the hallways. They've all grown up and are just becoming who they're supposed to be and doing what makes them happy and what's right for them. It makes me wonder if people think the same of me.

I know that I'm definitely not the same person I used to be. Sure, some things are the same. I'm still that goody little two-shoes who's shy, can be socially awkward, klutzy, and has her head in the clouds over half the time, but I feel that I've done my fair share of growing up. I've seen friends come and go, I've had my heart broken, I've had some amazing days where I didn't think life could get any better and I've had days where I thought the world would end.

I remember that if something bad happened I'd make myself sit there and be upset and angry until something really good happened that made up for it. Now I just keep moving along because I realized that all those minor problems in high school weren't even a big deal.

I also noticed myself changing. Not drastically but the kind of changing everyone goes through. Just the "becoming who you are" changing that I honestly don't think ever stops.I used to not like myself at all. I was constantly wishing I could be a different person but back then I was an immature, spoiled brat. I would also look at TV and the people around me and wish I looked like those movie stars and I'd beat myself up over it. These days I actually really like myself. Sure I have flaws but people are flawed. I also like the way I look. I mean I might not look like Megan Fox but I don't want to look like her. I'm happy with being just the way I am.

I guess everyone discovers that they're not so bad after all at some point. I just feel that some people take years to figure that out and I'm thankful I've reached that point already. As life goes on people around you change while you change and all you can do is always stay true to yourself. Become who you are and don't let people tell you how you should act or dress. As long as you like yourself and you're happy with your life everyone else can just deal with it. Besides your the one who has to live yourself until you die, not everyone else.

So enjoy life, be nice yourself, and as you change don't forget who you are and make sure it's always for the better.

When I grow up...

Being in my second year of college I always thought I'd have life figured out by this point. I pictured knowing exactly what I wanted to do, know where I was going to live, and how I was going to spend the rest of my life. I always thought that once high school was over you just jumped into the real world, your real life, and there would be nothing left to figure out.

Now I know I was wrong. I was talking about this with one of my friends today. We were saying how when you're a kid you think you have your entire life planned out. You see a ten year-old and ask what they want to be when they grow up and they know exactly what they want to be with no doubt in their mind. They'll say, "I'm going to college and become a doctor!" or "I'll be a rock star!" or "I'm gonna be Batman!" Of course you know that they'll change their minds a million times before they even reach college and that a few of those careers won't happen but to them that's what they see themselves doing in 20 years. I told my friend that I used to think every question to life would be answered after I got out of high school but it seems like more questions keep coming.

Right now I know what I'd like to do, where I'd like to transfer, and that I want to succeed and make the most of life but I also know that any of that could change. In fact right now I'm considering changing my major yet again. I know I want to do teaching and I'm currently an English major but I've also discovered a new love: history. I'm starting to see myself teaching about the making of our country, the events of past decades, and telling them these amazing and true stories. Then again I can also see myself teaching English and sharing these amazing stories written by amazing and talented people. It's hard to choose. Even when I was graduating high school everyone asked me, "what are you going to do now?" I'd give them the usual answer. The whole, "I'm going here but I plan on transferring after two years to here, blah blah blah." Inside I had no idea what I wanted to do. I had ideas but none that I could stick with. People would tell me to do what I was good at but honestly I couldn't think of anything I was good at. I didn't have any talents and there were so many jobs that had no appeal to me. Again the only thing I could think of was teaching, that I was good at English, and that I loved writing.

Right now I'm still young. I realize that I don't need to know every little answer, but I feel that I should have a sense of direction. Actually right now I feel that I'm doing good. I know that I want to finish college, be able to study abroad once I transfer, keep writing, teach, and I know that I'm willing to work hard for all of this. Honestly right now, I think that's good enough. Answers don't come easy and the questions will never end but life would be pretty boring if you had it all figured out.

I Don't Wanna to be You

Ok, so we all know how people get when they like someone. They start changing these little things about them to fit that person's image of the "ideal" girlfriend or boyfriend which is incredibly stupid.

Of course, I can't say I haven't done this. In fact I've done this a lot but I never catch myself doing it until it's all said and done and I've seen friends and other people do it too. You obviously want the person to like you so you start pretending that you like certain movies. You lie and say you love his favorite band too even though you really hate it and you won't be caught dead with them on your iPod. You say you love football and sit down to watch the game even though you're going crazy inside because you'd rather be home watching the Office.

This is why I don't think you should jump into a relationship with someone you've just met. At least take the time to live in the friend zone, I mean I know that's the last place you want to be but it can help. If you're just friends then you don't care as much if he knows you watch Glee and that you hate his favorite sports team because it doesn't matter. That way when and if you do date each other he'll already know that and it'll prove that he likes you just the way you are and not the "fake" you that you've created in order to gain his attention. When people first meet and instantly want to date then they're scared because you don't know if they'll change their mind about you. You just know that you don't want that to happen and the only way to ensure that is to make sure you agree on everything and have the exact same interests which is stupid. First of all, it doesn't matter if you don't agree on everything. Everyone is different so you're going to disagree on a few things, that's normal. It'd be boring if you were dating a clone of yourself. I mean obviously you need some things in common but if you disagree on a movie it's not a big deal.

Second of all, the real you will come out eventually. You can't hide your personality because that's who you are. I mean sure you can hide it for a little bit but it will come out eventually. Finally, you need someone who likes you exactly the way you are, flaws and all. Besides when you just keep true to yourself you'll attract the person that's right for you. If they don't like you because of separate interests then don't get upset because they obviously weren't meant for you. When someone knows all of the weird things you like, your flaws, and appreciates all of your good qualities and still likes you, then you'll know it's good and you won't have to pretend you're someone else.

Running in Front of a Moving Car

Do you ever have that moment where you realize you're doing something incredibly stupid yet you can't stop yourself? You're standing in the road, a car is coming at you and yet you don't move and just let it hit you. Sometimes you jump away last minute only wearing a few scars, sometimes you get a broken leg and other times you get completely shattered.

Usually there are signs that tell you the car is coming. Perhaps someone is yelling at you from across the street, maybe you heard it coming, maybe there was a flashing sign that said "CAR COMING RUN." When this happens most people do one of three things. They 1.) ignore the signs and let themselves get hit. 2.) decided to move or 3.) ignore and then move but by that point damage has been done. Usually the people who ignore it are either doing it because they refuse to see the red flags or they're just being an idiot. Either way I think sometimes it's good to jump in front of that moving car.

Why? Well think about it. If you live your whole life playing safe without taking any risks are you really living life? Are you learning anything? No, you're not. Of course it'd be nice to live life without making a single mistake but let's face it, that's not going to happen so you might as well let a car hit you every now and then to move you along. Yes, it's not fun and it hurts and can leave permanent damage but sometimes you need to be hit. If someone is living a terrible life and they're constantly running into the street but barely dodging cars then maybe they need to be hit by one to knock some sense into them. Maybe someone is afraid to cross the street. Maybe they need to come close to a car hitting them just so they realize it's okay to take some risks in life just be careful about it.

Of course in that moment when you see the car moving in your direction and your feet are frozen to the concrete your first thought is, "how did I end up here?" Maybe you'll think, "I should have listened to the person telling me to look out." Maybe you never listen to that person and now that you've almost been hit you'll start listening to not just them but some others you find trustworthy. Or if someone was telling you to run in the street you'll think "hey maybe I should stop listening to that person."

My point is that getting hit by a car is painful and it's not fun but it's okay if it happens. You learn a lesson, you see who was telling you to run and who was just trying to keep you safe. You see what you can handle and what you can't and in that moment your life starts flashing through your mind. You begin to see what you really want and that next time you'll look both ways or you'll make sure you have someone by your side that fits you perfectly. If you can avoid the car then that's great but if you don't maybe it's not always a bad thing. Maybe you need it.

There's Something Good in Everyday

Tonight I began thinking about life again after reading for one of my classes. I know that I'm not a perfect person. I have my flaws, I worry too much, laugh at bad timings, day dream way too much, and I make a fool out of myself. Usually I would think of everything wrong about myself and then get angry about it but tonight I saw it in a different way. Yes, I'm a human, I have flaws, but that's okay. Everyone has flaws if we didn't then we wouldn't be unique.

I also began to realize that we aren't the only ones with flaws. Every day comes with it's own set of flaws but that doesn't make it horrible. Take today for example. I had an awful morning, I lost my phone because it slipped out of my purse and was somewhere in my car, I got to class a little late because I couldn't find a parking spot, I tripped on a stick walking to class and stabbed the top of my foot, and I had some stupid worries on my mind. I walked into my first class just knowing today would be a bad day and I wasn't going to let anything change my mind about it.

Then my next class was great and so was the class after that. By the end of the day I was in a great mood and even though I still had some worries in the back of my mind I didn't let them bother me. I just enjoyed those moments of happiness. If my morning hadn't been horrible, I probably wouldn't have even noticed how nice the rest of the day was.

Then I realized that some days aren't going to go your way. Luck isn't always on your side and not every minute will be filled with unicorns and fluffy clouds, but that's okay. I have a quote of my wall that says, "Everyday might not be good, but there is something good in everyday." Your life can't be awful forever and bad luck won't follow you around until you die. Sure there are going to be flawed days full of bad incidents but that doesn't mean good ones are impossible. Some days will rain and throw thunder and lightning at you but there's always a rainbow afterwards. I want to remind myself that when I feel lost. Just to know that no matter how bad it gets, there's always that rainbow to look forward too.

I remember when I was younger I used to have Charlie Brown on DVD. One episode he had a horrible day and everyone seemed to hate him. He was just lying in bed being depressed not wanting to show his face again when his friend Linus came in and basically told him to buck up. Before he left he told Charlie, "the world didn't end did it?" Even though I watched this years ago that line has always stayed in my head. The world didn't end. It kept going and I hear him saying that every time I feel like my life hates me.

There's no such thing as a loser. In the end you'll win and the world won't end because you had one bad day.

March On

I guess I always saw life differently than everyone else. I wanted to see it differently than everyone else. I guess I wanted live in a happy, perfect world with unicorns, rainbows and fluffly clouds. I always wanted to have a good, happy life with no worries and no pain.

Now I see that’s entirely impossible. Life isn’t a happy unicorn filled world. When good things happen other things come along and turn everything into a nightmare that you can’t wake up from. Sure you can keep going or you could just ignore but it always haunts you until you’re sick to your stomach.

I wish I could tell you why things like that must happen. I wish I knew myself but maybe we’re not supposed to know. I like to look on the brightside of things, I like to find ways to make everything okay so I can avoid conflict and keep living in my happy little utopia in the sky but that’s not going to happen. Sometimes life just sucks and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Instead of running you have to march. Yeah it’s hard and not all that much fun but you have to keep marching and marching and over time you get stronger. I wish you didn’t have too though. I wish you could just run and play and be happy but you can’t sometimes. I guess it’s all part of growing up. Those happy days of no worries are behind us now but even as I’m writing this in a pessimistic mood I realize that not everything has to suck. If you keep marching you’re bound to run into something good along the way and it makes you the person you’re supposed to be.

Maybe life isn’t perfect, maybe it’s not supposed to be, but you have to keep moving or it isn’t worth it.

Appreciating Life

I've noticed lately just being out and looking at Facebook statuses, that most people want or feel like they need more and bigger things to make their lives better. They could have a lot already, good friends, cute boyfriend, good grades, but they'll still complain and say things like "I wish I had a convertible" or "I wish I could go do this and be here."

I won't lie, I wish I could go travel and see London, Ireland, Hawaii, even just New York. They're things I'd love to do at some point but if I don't do them I won't die. I'll be a little dissapointed but I feel that when I'm lying on my death bed the things I'll think the most about will be my friends, family, past loves, pets, and a bunch of little memories that make me smile.

It's just that most people don't see these things as enough. They could have great people in their life but instead of feeling thankful and blessed they keep complaining that either their life sucks or that they want more. I've been known to this myself, a lot actually. Only now I'm starting to realize that maybe I should stop complaining. Of course that's impossible since no one can stay completely happy for a long amount of time but you can be content for a while. I'm just beginning to see that I should be thankful that I have good friends, family, and I like my school.

I used to think about all of the bad times when I would lie in bed trying to fall asleep. I don't know why I did this, I guess I just liked making myself miserable sometimes. Now I see that this is really unhealthy. That's why I think about the good things before I go to bed. Every time I get a bad memory I just replace it with something funny or a good one. I'll think about the time I ran around 6 Flags with my best friend singing "Who Let the Dogs Out", watching Troll 2 with my brother and laughing at how stupid it was, or the time at camp when my friend and I got locked out of our cabin and were trying to find someone who could pick locks. It's stuff that just makes me laugh or puts me in a good mood and I feel really thankful for the people in my life right now. My friends are awesome and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I wish more people would do that. To be honest life is much easier to get through that way and all of these little things honestly make life worth it to me. Just yesterday when I was hanging out with a friend we were standing outside and petting her horses and I thought, "you know I might live in a stupid little town and IL might not be the prettiest state but at least I have some amazing friends around to make it suck a little less." I guess when I'm older and I have my job, living somewhere else, maybe married, I'll look back at this place and I won't think of how much I hated this town but of the good memories I've had here with my friends.

Sure not everyday is great and it's easy to slip into pessimistic thoughts when things don't go the way you want them too but sometimes they go wrong so a better thing will come instead. At least that's how it's been with me. So instead of spending your entire life complaining and waiting for better things you might as well just be happy with what's going on now. You could be missing out on great memories if you never stop to look around and appreciate what you really have. You find out how lucky you really are and I'm starting to feel pretty lucky.

Lessons in Romantics (From Classic Disney)

When I was little I remember watching all of the old classic Disney movies. To this day I still love them even though I'm a college student now. When I think back on these stories or watch them again I see them in a different light. I begin to actually see the stories being told rather than just fun cartoons doing interesting things to my five year-old mind. Every Disney movie has the same basic plot: Love. Every character has a different approach to romance and these are some lessons we could take from them. For example...

The Little Mermaid. Ariel takes a common tactic for trying to gain her happy ending. It's the whole changing yourself in order for a guy to like you. This is one of the few that has me shaking my head. Although I loved that movie (and still do), it's not always a good idea to completely change who you are in order to grab a guy's attention. Eric still loves her when he finds out her secret which shows that you can be loved for simply being yourself.However, if you lie about who you are in the first place then your crush might not like the real you since he fell for the fake you. This is one Disney Princess I wouldn't take notes on for getting a boyfriend.

Sleeping Beauty. I personally like the Sleeping Beauty take on romance. Falling into a deep sleep only to be awoken by a handsome prince. Not a bad way to start the morning. Although the real lesson in romantics in this movie is taught by Prince Phillip. He goes through the long journey just to reach this girl he loves and slays a dragon for her. It shows that love is not always easy and sometimes you have to go through trials in order to prove your yourself and fight for the one you love.

Beauty and the Beast. This is one of my personal favorites. There's so much to love about this movie but what I'm going to take from here is Belle's approach to romance. She looks beyond appearances and into the heart which is almost unheard of today. She doesn't care what other people think and she only does what she knows is right. She doesn't go with the "handsome" yet rude Gaston who tirelessly chases her only for her beauty. She goes with the man who has the kind heart and truly loves her. She sees past his beastlyness and he becomes a handsome prince. I think this could be seen metaphorically. When you meet an average looking guy with an amazing personality he slowly becomes more attractive until he looks like a handsome prince to you.

The Lion King. This is another one of my personal favorites. This one deals with much more than love and romantic love is more of a subplot to this movie yet still important to the story. The character I want to follow here is Nala. She thought Simba was dead for years as she grew up and her feelings for him never faded. It doesn't take long for her to fall in love with him once they have their little reunion.  He doesn't want to go home because Scar messed with his mind but she believes in him, knows he's the true King and urges him to go back and fulfill his destiny. (Although she does it in a pushy way and it takes Raffiki and the ghost of Mufasa to convince him before he actually goes back.) Still, she never gave up on him and helps him in the fight. She teaches us that we also need to believe in the one we love and support them. It's not always all about you. On a side note, a nice romantic walk by a waterfall with a love song playing magically in the background makes quite a nice first date.

 Alladin. Obviously we're taking a few notes from Alladin here. Of course he had the same idea as Ariel: Changing yourself in order to impress your crush. Only I'm not going to talk about that right now. Instead I'm going to talk about what all he did just for Jasmine. I always found the magic carpet ride sweet and incredibly romantic. He does his best to win her heart and goes through so much. The only thing that would have made this better was if he stayed more true to himself and didn't lie about being a prince. Jasmine liked him just the way he was when she found out he was nothing more than a thief. What I like about this approach is that it shows guys to treat girls like, well, princesses. Try to be that Prince Charming for her. Every girl wants her prince and Alladin tried to be that for Jasmine which is extremely sweet.

 Snow White. I never was a huge fan of this one but I do have this to say; she never lost hope. She got stranded in a forest with seven dwarfs and had an evil witch trying to murder her but she still sang along and knew that someday her prince would come. When it seemed all hope was lost and she was in her darkest place dying from the world's cruelness (eating the poison apple) her prince came to the rescue when no one was expecting it. Love comes when you don't expect it but it also comes if you keep your head up. Even though life can give you poison apples and evil witches, it doesn't mean it can't give you sweet princes. You just have to keep your chin up and in the meantime be thankful for the friends in your life and other good things you've been given.

All in all I would say most of these characters know how to treat romance. They may just be silly movies from our childhood but there's some magic in them. Maybe we should all take a little lesson from them.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

I'm sure that everyone reading this has wanted to be perfect at some point in their lives. Who doesn't? The media gives us this idea that in order to have a good life and to be happy you need to constantly change yourself to become this image of "perfect." For women, it's weighing close to nothing, blonde (or just exotic looking), perfect hair, smooth face, and basically looking like all the female celebrities that are given the chance to grace the covers of your favorite magazines.

I'm not saying that wanting to look nice is bad because it's not. You should want to take care of your body to be healthy and also looking nice makes you feel better. My point here is that some people take this idea of perfection too far by getting plastic surgery or self harming themselves. There are certain features about ourselves that are easy to change but there are other parts that aren't changeable. If you don't feel like you look good blonde then you can dye your hair and become a brunette or a red head. If you don't like your body then you can exercise or eat better. However, there are features like your face and eyes that aren't so easy to alter. Your face will always be your face no matter what unless you're rich enough to completely alter it, which most people aren't. It seems almost cruel that when you're born you'll either have a pretty face, an ugly face, or an average face without your consent. At first it's okay, because you haven't realized yet that certain faces are seen as beautiful while others, not so much. When you do figure out what you were given that's when the problems start. If you have a pretty face then congratulations, honestly. For the rest of us well this is where we try to either fix the problem with low results, not care and be happy, or punish yourself for it.

The problem with the media's idea of beauty is that everyone has a different idea of what beauty is. To your best friend this guy might be the hottest thing she's ever seen, but to you he might be nothing special. So is he attractive or not? That's the thing, he's both. Some people blindly follow magazines and TV and take their idea of beauty instead of forming their own. To the people who created the magazines, that was their idea of beauty. Think of Robert Pattinson. Many girls find him attractive and the people who hired him obviously thought so too since Edward was described as hot in the book. Personally, I don't find him attractive at all, but that's because he doesn't fit into my idea of attractiveness.

The problem is that most people don't understand that (or at least, it seems that way.) They believe that if they don't fit the idea of beauty that is given out then they're ugly. Or if they don't fit the idea of beauty to a crush then they think they're ugly, which isn't true. To be honest, I don't think anyone is "ugly" because they have to fit someone's idea of attractiveness. They might not fit a majority or might only fit one person but that's still someone who finds them attractive. Which means that the whole idea of perfection given out to us doesn't mean anything because it's their idea and not yours.

Which is why I believe everyone is somewhat attractive in their own way. Of course I have my own idea of what I find attractive in a guy but that varies from my friend's ideas. Which honestly, I think is awesome. It truly proves that there is someone out there everyone, which I find amazing.

Sing Me to Sleep, I'll See You in My Dreams

Often I wake up in the morning with the vague playback of my dream for that night. Usually my dreams are pretty interesting and by interesting I mean odd and by odd I mean plain out weird. Since they amuse me so much I started writing the ones I remembered clearly down on a word document.

While I was writing my latest one down today I started to think back to the other ones so I started to read what I had written. There weren't many down since I just started doing this a month ago but they all made no sense. Usually when people dream it has some meaning or it's of a past memory or it's the same dream always repeating itself. I'll give you one example of my dreams.

This is a dream I had a few weeks ago. I was in the auditorium of my old high school watching "How I Met Your Mother" with the cast, excluding Neil Patrick Harris. I didn't seem to notice much until the door opened and he walked in. Being the huge Dr. Horrible (and How I Met Your Mother) fan that I am, I jumped out of my seat and basically ran at him. He just smiled and looked around the room as he began chatting with Jason Segel. I nervously asked if he could sign my shirt. He gladly said yes but realized that he didn't have a sharpie. I noticed that I didn't have one either so I frantically began to think of what to do about this sharpie disaster. Jason left the room and we walked up to this little table that was by the the door. On the table was a coffee pot, a note pad, and a pen. Neil Patrick Harris picked up the coffee pot with a grin and said cheerfully, "Hey, I have an idea! If we mix something with this coffee then we can use it to sign your shirt." Now thinking back I don't know why he didn't use the pen or why I thought his coffee idea was fantastic. Before he could pursue this idea Jason Segel ran back into the room holding a sharpie high above his head as if it was a mighty sword. He said happily, "I found a sharpie! They had a ton in the office over there." We preceded to look behind him at the school office. We laughed at this whole episode and NPH gladly signed my shirt. Then I woke up with a slight disappointment and a plain shirt with no evidence of a sharpie ever being there.

That's the type of weirdness most my dreams have only this one is one of the less weird ones. I also tend to dream about this mall school a lot. It looks like a mall but the stores are classrooms from my old high school. I've dreamed about this mall school for years and it manages to pop up in every single dream I have. I'm not even exaggerating that point. The layout always changes but in the dream I know it's the same mall school. Sometimes there's added stores. There's been a church in the middle of it, a buffet called "Peas Around the World" that only sold peas from around the world and nothing else, a video game store where the characters came to life and I had to kill them, Charlie McDonnell's (from youtube) house, and so on. I also dream about this summer camp a lot. It seems that if I'm not in the mall school or it doesn't show up at some point then I'm at the summer camp.

Sometimes I'm not even me. I have dreams where I'm this other girl and usually those dreams involve action. For example, once I was this British girl from the 18th century and I had to fight Voldemort with the help of Doctor Who and another random person. I've only had these "alter ego" dreams a few times. The only other one I can remember clearly, I had to fight my friend who turned into a monster from Final Fantasy.

Usually when I tell friends or family about my dreams I'm give a strange look or a nod that says "That's funny, but you're a weird one. I want pie..."

I've actually had a dream that was more like watching a movie and I wasn't even in it. I've also had a dream about the Simpsons doing a Twilight spoof and this was before that Halloween special with Edward.

I guess all I'm trying to say here is that my dreams are definitely entertaining, (at least to me). Well I'll leave you with a lyric from one of my favorite bands: All Time Low.

Through the Eyes of a Hopless Romantic

I won't lie, I'm a hopeless romantic. I love the idea of a guy walking up to a girl's front steps with a bouquet of red roses and an adorable smile on his face that shows he has butterflies in his stomach but he's trying hard not to show it. I watch TV shows where boy meets girl, they fall for each other, boy does something extremely cute for girl and cue the love song as the hold hands and walk down the sidewalk together.

Anyone who knows me is aware that I have strong dislike of romantic comedies. I can't watch them just because the people look too fake on screen. The actors and the lines used are so cheesy that they end up looking ridiculous. The scenarios are a little insane and over all it's just not real. What I want is a movie that shows the realness of falling in love. No stupid scene where the girl is running to the airport or she throws a coin in a well and meets her prince charming. It's because of this that I absolutely love the movie "500 Days of Summer" because it's real! I know it's not a love story as stated at the beginning because when you picture a love story the boy and girl end up together. Although it is a love story because Tom (the lead guy) does fall madly in love with Summer. In the end she doesn't love him back, gives hints of this through out the whole movie and even ends up with another guy. Only, that's real. That kind of stuff happens in life everyday to so many people. Despite what you might think, the ending isn't all that sad. Tom finds another girl who he seems to have way more in common with and the ending leaves off to let you decide what might be in store for the new couple. I like to think that even though he felt so much pain with Summer and had bad luck that his pain and heartache led him to the new girl who might be perfect for him. Think about it, in the movie after Summer breaks things off  with Tom, he's heart broken. However, soon after he starts focusing his time on being the architect that he's always wanted to be, quits the job he hates, and goes in for an interview for an architect job he wants which is where he meets this new girl Autumn. Basically if Summer hadn't broken his heart then he would have never met Autumn. It sounds weird but to me that's a real love story.

Everyone will get their heart broken at some point in time even if you're never a couple, but sometimes that leads you to someone better. There's two types of people in the world. People who are hopeless romantics still waiting for their Prince Charming or have found him and people who simply don't believe in love. Personally speaking I think life is easier when you don't believe because then you can never truly get hurt, but I think life is more worth living when you do. Obviously you don't need someone to complete you and some people are perfectly content being on their own. Most of us want that prince or princess and some do find and get that rare happy ending that we all crave. I believe in sticking to your standards because love has no meaning if you get together with someone you aren't truly happy with just because you don't want to be alone. I say wait until someone comes along that is perfect for you. It might not be the easiest thing to wait but good things don't come easy. Wait, scratch that. Amazing things don't come easy. When you wait and find that perfect someone then everything you have together will be worthwhile.

Me? I'm still waiting for my knight in shining armor. I know that when he comes he comes and until then I'll just focus on other aspects of life but I don't think that little girl inside dreaming about her prince will ever leave us. Some people choose to grow bitter about love as they get older. Me, I choose to stay optimistic and romantic as I grow older. What's life without dreams? Besides you'll never find anyone with a harsh out look on life. You know what they say, "someday my prince will come," and I, for one, believe.

If Autumn Lasted Forever

I know it's still summer but with school starting it's easy to feel fall approaching. I begin to dream of it's cooler but comfortable days perfect for a light sweater or jacket that you can cuddle up in as you walk across paths covered in gorgeous leaves of reds and golds. I can hear them crunching under my feet with every step as I look up and watch the others blissfully blow in the autumn breeze. The trees are slowly loosing their gorgeous hair but they look beautiful in the transition. It's not hard to forget the warmth of summer but the autumn air seems to have a perfect combination of hot and cold. Unlike winter the winds don't numb you to the bone as you shake from head to foot awaiting the moment you'll be able to stroll into a cozy building. Unlike summer the sun isn't beating down on you until you turn to rain and drip into a puddle. It's such a beautiful and perfect season but it's life span is short. It comes and goes quickly never to show it's lovely face again until next year.

Maybe this is why I love it so much. It's a rare treat between the two most powerful seasons. I don't complain much in summer since my body seems to get chilled rather easily, but a soft fall breeze after long hot days is never a burden to me. I wish there was a place you could move to where it was fall all year round. If that wonderful place did exist I'd pack my bags tonight and run there if I had to. It seems you can only live in the between for that short period of time. That perfect place with the beauty of summer but the coziness of winter. What could be more dreamy? I guess it'll have to stay in my dreams which is probably the best place. Too much of a good thing never ends well and I'd like to keep dreaming. I would never want something as extraordinary as autumn to become dull to me. I'll be awaiting it's arrival with open arms and a smile on my face and I'll miss it as it goes when winter replaces it's spot and numbs my bones. The wait of a year will be well worth that first day when it comes gliding back into my life. I'll be right here ready to dance in the falling leaves as if they were snowflakes.